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Daddy, The Orator

The boys and I watched ‘Monsters vs Aliens‘. Now before you start, the younger boy, Aidan, loves his scary movies. 6yo Jai, not so much. Yet we watched it.

Tonight, about 15mins after bedtime, Jai yells out “This is why I shouldn’t watch scary movies – I am having a nightmare!” We discuss this for a while before he relents when I suggest I tell him a bed-time story.

“Wait, wait, Daddy! I want it be about Dragon Ball Z.” He managed to catch a few episodes a few days ago – and now he is addicted. I’d really like it not to be one of his regular viewings, but I fear we may be a tad too late. So I relent.

“Dude, name two main characters and tell me what they do…”
“Um… Gogan… and the bad guy?” [During writing of this I discover he means Gohan. But I cannot change]
“What do they do together?”
“They FIGHT!”
“O…k… I can do this. I got a story.” I am pretty good at this. Out of thin air…


One day Gogan and the bad guy met in a forest. Gogan stabbed his specter into the ground and cried “I LOVE COFFEE!”
The bad guy slammed his hand into his head and screamed “NO MORE COFFEE IN THESE STORIES!”
Gogan wasn’t going to let the bad guy change the writers decision on the direction of this story. “NO, I WANT MORE COFFEE!!!”
The bad guy sighed long and hard, staring deep into Gogan’s eyes. Gogan stared back, not sighing. The bad guy suddenly thrust forward with his fists and grabbed Gogan’s shirt… “OK. But where?”
Gogan smiled and grabbed the bad guy’s wrists, twisting them outward, bending back his wrists, forcing the bad guy to kneel before him… “WE GO TO CHOCOLART!”
“Where is this place you speak of?”
Gogan rolled his eyes. “You don’t know it? It’s where Daddy… I mean the Orator spends his days when not wor… worri…. wandering the dead lands seeking new menaces to fight and conquer!”
The bad guy was concerned now. “The Orater? Who is he?”
Gogan rolled his eyes. “Surely you know! See the boy lying on the bed? And sitting beside him… that is the Orator! He gives us life, he is the Emperor of these lands, he controls the very blood coursing thru our veins! The Orator’s words are what make us possible. Without him, we are mere memories in the boy’s mind!!”
“Oh my grunge, the Orator, the Orator, THE ORATOR!” The bad guy was kneeling with head on the ground and hands reaching forward.
Gogan considered raising his sword and cho… chopping dead weeds in the garden.
“Hey, I read that!” The bad guy also raised his sword to cho… choose which vegetables he would cut into finger food.
“Finger food? How old are you? Do you need to go wee-wee’s?”


 “Daddy, stop. You are funny. I can sleep now.”

Too bad. I was going places with that story. Maybe tomorrow night.

My handsome rolled over to the wall and fell asleep. Seriously, he actually did! No more nightmares. I wonder what he’ll dream of now…?

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Aidan Has A Voice

Our second son recently turned two.

Over Easter his dummy/pacifer was permanently removed from his mouth.

Now he talks incessantly.

This morning, at 7.20am, he deided that yelling ‘COCKADOODLEDOO!’ repeatedly was fun. Mummy thinks otherwise. I let it run its course. The ranting stopped soon after.

We now have TWO alarm clocks. Which means another few years of no sleep after 7am. Sigh. 

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Light Bulb Moment

​How smart were you, or your kids, at 21 months young?

Aidan has discovered when he covers the sensor on the hall-light with his little hands, it turns on. Thus lighting up his path to his bedroom. 

Then he waits at his cot until his bed-sleeping-bag is put on and he is given a pacifier …. so he can have his 11am-3pm nap. He usually falls asleep within a few minutes – depending on his brother.

Photo at Cleland Wildlife Park. Aidan climbed up and pretended to be asleep.

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Six Parenting Lessons

Five lessons learned from Jai in one morning:

Don't Sweat the Small Baby Stuff

Whoever said this never encountered a lost pacifier at naptime!

1. When he hands you one end of a skipping rope, put it to your ear. Because he wants to talk to you.

2. If you can see one yoghurt blob on the floor, there will be more.

3. Kids also cry when they are happy. Yes, astonishing – yet beautiful. Sometimes it is a ruse to get me to hug him – which I like!

4. His vocabulary is awesome. They know and use the words ‘beautiful, hangry and mummy’ regularly. Sometimes in the same sentence.

5. Never assume they are not listening. Never think they don’t understand. They will use your words against you as soon as possible. I am currently in the naughty corner. Thankfully I get to hold my phone. Oh dear, this may set a precedent. Putting down the phone now…

Postscript:
Kids need everything explained to them. Don’t fob them off with an excuse. Jai now understands that CDs and DVDs are engraved plastic with information preserved in them. If that surface gets damaged, the information leaks out. So now he won’t take them out of the cover and carry them round in a shopping bag. Sigh.

PPS. The image links to our new GoFundMe campaign. Please take a moment to take a look.

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No Time Like Right Now

I liked “Day Light Savings” when I was young. The thought that I would get more daylight every day after school for six months blew my mind. It seemed so real…

But I learned in my teenage years that it was really just a mind trick.

Time doesn’t change, our perception and use of time changes.

Now I have two kids, both currently under four years old.

I now dislike the concept of daylightsavings with a vengeance- because both boys see straight through the trickery.

Aidan cries or coos until he sees no more light through the window.

Jai: “But Daddy, why am I going to bed? It’s still daylight!

Sigh. This will be a tough time. I hope I didn’t give my Father this much hell. Sorry Dad!

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KIDS

A quick little poem by Daddy after reading a few (dozen!) books to Jai before his bed:


KIDS

Kids are great,
Kids are fine,
Kids are best when they don’t cross the line.

Kids are something,
Kids are not old,
Kids are best when they go to bed when told.

Kids are awesome,
Kids are neat,
Kids are best when they stay asleep.

Kids are great,
Kids are fun,
Kids are best when they say “I love you Dad and Mum!”


Don’t get all Freudian on me, it’s a cute little poem that is all about the last verse.

Doctored