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Daddy, The Orator

The boys and I watched ‘Monsters vs Aliens‘. Now before you start, the younger boy, Aidan, loves his scary movies. 6yo Jai, not so much. Yet we watched it.

Tonight, about 15mins after bedtime, Jai yells out “This is why I shouldn’t watch scary movies – I am having a nightmare!” We discuss this for a while before he relents when I suggest I tell him a bed-time story.

“Wait, wait, Daddy! I want it be about Dragon Ball Z.” He managed to catch a few episodes a few days ago – and now he is addicted. I’d really like it not to be one of his regular viewings, but I fear we may be a tad too late. So I relent.

“Dude, name two main characters and tell me what they do…”
“Um… Gogan… and the bad guy?” [During writing of this I discover he means Gohan. But I cannot change]
“What do they do together?”
“They FIGHT!”
“O…k… I can do this. I got a story.” I am pretty good at this. Out of thin air…


One day Gogan and the bad guy met in a forest. Gogan stabbed his specter into the ground and cried “I LOVE COFFEE!”
The bad guy slammed his hand into his head and screamed “NO MORE COFFEE IN THESE STORIES!”
Gogan wasn’t going to let the bad guy change the writers decision on the direction of this story. “NO, I WANT MORE COFFEE!!!”
The bad guy sighed long and hard, staring deep into Gogan’s eyes. Gogan stared back, not sighing. The bad guy suddenly thrust forward with his fists and grabbed Gogan’s shirt… “OK. But where?”
Gogan smiled and grabbed the bad guy’s wrists, twisting them outward, bending back his wrists, forcing the bad guy to kneel before him… “WE GO TO CHOCOLART!”
“Where is this place you speak of?”
Gogan rolled his eyes. “You don’t know it? It’s where Daddy… I mean the Orator spends his days when not wor… worri…. wandering the dead lands seeking new menaces to fight and conquer!”
The bad guy was concerned now. “The Orater? Who is he?”
Gogan rolled his eyes. “Surely you know! See the boy lying on the bed? And sitting beside him… that is the Orator! He gives us life, he is the Emperor of these lands, he controls the very blood coursing thru our veins! The Orator’s words are what make us possible. Without him, we are mere memories in the boy’s mind!!”
“Oh my grunge, the Orator, the Orator, THE ORATOR!” The bad guy was kneeling with head on the ground and hands reaching forward.
Gogan considered raising his sword and cho… chopping dead weeds in the garden.
“Hey, I read that!” The bad guy also raised his sword to cho… choose which vegetables he would cut into finger food.
“Finger food? How old are you? Do you need to go wee-wee’s?”


 “Daddy, stop. You are funny. I can sleep now.”

Too bad. I was going places with that story. Maybe tomorrow night.

My handsome rolled over to the wall and fell asleep. Seriously, he actually did! No more nightmares. I wonder what he’ll dream of now…?

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Dear Daddy (Stephen)

Daddy, at least once a week mummy hears you say “Oh, I have a great idea. I must write a kids book about that!”

Sometimes you get the ideas from the crazy things I say. I like that.

But I really wish you would actually write the books.

I like the one about Tyrone the Dinosaur. You told me you already wrote it – but where is it? I haven’t seen it yet. When will I see it?

Today you said you wanted to a kids version of an old movie called ‘Romper Stomper‘. I don’t stomp that much!

Please write them. I hope you can find a publisher. Hey, maybe you can also get your poetry published in 2017!

from your  Loving Son (Jai)

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Rewards for Effort

Little Hand Not all conversations with #MisterFourGoingOnFourteen are intelligent, smart, funny or entertaining. So it is with disdain that I share these two stories. Yet I hope another Daddy can learn from it. Or at least empathize.

1.

So Small, So CuteDaddy: “My new crutch. Please may I have it back?” It’s for my current yet ongoing knee problems.
Jai: “Nope”. He walks around with it, wielding it like a sabre.
Daddy: “Please don’t point that at people, particularly mummy and daddy!”
Jai ignores me. I hobble around the house, trying to catch up with him. I can walk, but not for long. My right knee hurts like hell.
Daddy: “Please do NOT hit the windows. Don’t hit your brother. Don’t hit the back of my legs. PLEASE do NOT do that again!”
Jai looks at me, then looks away – and taps his brother on the shoulder. No pain, but scares Aidan. He toddles off to find mummy. Smart kid, he leaves the scene of the crime.
Daddy: “Ok, that’s IT! Time-Out for You!” I reach frantically for boy, but fumble on his shirt.
Jai dumps crutch and runs. I pick it up, and resume walking better. Jai gets away with it this time, but not for long…

2.

Set of FourJai (moments after I regain control with arm-crutch): “I want Shaun the Sheep!”
Daddy: “You have to clean the messy lounge room first.”
Jai: “It’s a mess?”
Daddy: “Yes. Your toys do NOT belong on the floor. You know where they belong.”
Jai: “I don’t see it.” Sigh. Plays skip-rope with mummy’s tape-measure.
Daddy: Sigh. “Take another look. Tell me what you see.”
Jai: “Trucks! Animals! Balloons! Books!”
Daddy: “Good. I will clean up Aidan’s, you do yours, we will meet in the middle.”
Jai: “The where?”
Daddy: “Start cleaning up. I’ll tell you when we get there.”
Jai: Intrigued now. “OK.”
Oh my days, he actually cleaned up.
Daddy: “High five dude!”
Jai raises hands and wipes Pluto into the next galaxy. Oh my hand.

It’s fun, but only after he starts listening – and realises there is a reward for his effort.

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